Really, if daily life with your little treasures leaves you counting down until bedtime as soon as you get up, and one more trip to the store will send you to the crazy bin (or at least to the bathroom to eat your secret chocolate stash), then make it easier! Raising your expectations will actually be better for those little people anyway. I promise.
If you dread going to the store so much that you are considering just leaving catalogs in the bathroom when the toilet paper runs out, there is another option besides listening to “Can we get this?” a million times and the resulting whining and fussing when you answer in the negative. Lovingly set a new expectation for your crew before the next grocery run. Their expectation should be that nobody will get anything other than the things Mommy came to the store to get and your expectation that nobody will ask for anything. So have a discussion at the age level of your kiddos. Explain that supplying the house and the people in it with the things they need within your means is part of your job, and you want to do it well and cheerfully. It’s difficult to do that when you are continually distracted by children asking for things, and it’s no fun for you or them to have to say and hear “No” over and over. It’s not really very polite or respectful to be asking for things. It’s a selfish focus. You want it to be a good time together for everyone, taking care of what needs to get done. Of course, everyone can comment on things they see.
“Ooh, that looks neat Mommy.” “Yes, it does look like fun.”
“Look at that stuffed frog! I’ve been hoping to find a stuffed frog.” “He is cute. Maybe you will get one for your birthday.”
“This would go really well with my new skirt.” “You’re right, but it costs too much. Maybe we’ll see something like that for less. I’ll try to remember you are needing a top for that outfit and keep an eye out.”
Of course, sometimes you see something on sale or something you weren’t planning to get but which you are willing to purchase. Then ask your child if they are interested in it or would like to get it!
“I see M&Ms are on sale. Would you guys like to get a bag to share when we get back to the van?”
With this expectation that children not ask for things at the store, most of your communication and interaction with them becomes positive! They don’t expect anything, but occasionally they do get something new or a special treat you offer. You are able to enjoy errand time spent with your little ones instead of pulling your hair out. Plus you are training them in appropriate communication and social interaction. Everything we teach our children is with the recognition that what we are actually doing is growing adults.
It might seem like a big struggle to implement this new expectation. You just can’t imagine that your greedy little darlings will go for it. It usually is hard initially to get things rolling in a different direction than the one already begun. But, it won’t be as hard or take as long as you might think. Especially if you have a conversation about it first, laying out the reasons and objectives at the age level of your kids rather than just making a new rule. Sometimes they might forget and need a reminder that “It’s not very polite to ask for things at the store” or “It’s hard for Mommy to get her work done when you are asking for things”. And initially, especially with young ones, you may have a lot of opportunities to model different things they could say instead. But, eventually they will get it – even toddlers and preschoolers! And you will find that a lot of the time they just want you to acknowledge what they see that looks fun. “Look at that Mommy” easily replaces “Can I get that Mommy?” and avoids fussing and disappointment. Your goal is building character in your kids, not just making rules. This sort of expectation for time in a store builds self-control and respect.
Setting higher expectations for your kids isn’t taking the easy way out. It’s definitely not something you do just because it’s easier for you if grocery trips are more efficient. It does make your daily jobs smoother and more fun, but it’s a road that develops a stronger and more enjoyable relationship with your kids while better preparing them for life. So, go ahead. Raise the bar.
Just Our First World Problems 